The Spamalot Edition



I don’t know about you, but I get a TON of spam email on my blog.  Fortunately, my blog is built to withstand the invading hordes, but I’m forever beating off legions of these wretched little spammers, because I tell you, they fight in groups.


While deleting spam after spam – I decided to have a little fun and “reply” to the spammers.

Note:  All the original spelling, punctuation and formatting (or lack thereof) of spam comments have been kept. 


So let’s take a peek, shall we – into the weird and woolly world of spam.






 – Standard auto insurance… –

Now wouldn’t that be just lovely! If I had a car…


– Video chat room hamsterfreecams –

Are you saying that I get to chat with a hamster?  Or that hamsters like to video chat?  Or that the camera you’re offering me is free of hamsters?  Or are you offering me a free hamster with the purchase of a camera?



 -Fast cash advance… –




 – Жизнь современной женщины соткана из тысячи мелочей. Муж, дети, дом, работа – все это уже давно мы научились нести на наших хрупких плечах с высоко поднятой головой. А так хочется иногда расслабиться и быть просто женщиной, нежной и беззащитной. Но жизнь диктует свои правила. И в первую очередь современная женщина должна быть Хозяйкой. Настоящей Хозяйкой во всем. Подробнее читайте на сайте –

This troubles me greatly, because I can tell you are trying very hard to tell me something here, and judging from its length, it might be important, but I’m afraid I just can’t quite understand you.



Perhaps if you repeated yourself.

Ah, I see that you did . . . several times.


 -Cheap insurance cheap car insurance –

HO-HO – even better. But again . . .  I don’t have a car.


– Guaranteed loan how to get a loan with no bank account – 

Not that I would just automatically cast aspersions on the character of spammers, but I must admit that this does sound faintly suspicious.


– Classic car insurance –

Ooo – I do love classic cars.  Could you possibly help me obtain one, along with that loan?


– We suppose that barely a professional correspondent can cunning speculative content that’s nothing stubby of perfect –

In moments like this, I just really appreciate the effort a spammer has put into researching me and making sure their ads are applicable – I mean, this comment is really knowledgeable.  They knew I was barely professional, I can be cunning, I sometimes write speculative content, I am rather on the stubby (short) side, and nothing’s perfect!


– Best auto insurance companies –



– Need money now –

Are you saying you want money from me?



Hey, I don’t even know you!  Do I look like a bank? And you haven’t even told me what you need money for.  And besides, DOESN’T EVERYONE NEED MONEY NOW?


– Casino games online casino online slots – 

Hmmm – but do you pay in fruit chews? Because that’s the only thing I’ll gamble with…


– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –

Wow, really? What a coincidence, because I have checked my spam and found a lot of duplicate content too…  Especially about auto insurance.


– 500 fast cash money fast same day payday loans payday advance lenders –

Okay, I’m in – what do I have to bury?


 -Write a thesis statement write a thesis statement –

GET AWAY FROM ME.  That’s sounds too much like homework.


 – Cheap car insurance companies –



We imagine that just a able paragrapher can craft speculative size that’s nothing succinct of fulfilled.

You know – I imagine that too????  I want to live in a world where all able paragraphers can craft their speculative to a size that’s nothing succinct of fulfilled.


– High school research paper –

Okay, stop rubbing it in.  I know I look young and people are constantly mistaking me for a teenager but I haven’t been a teenager in OVER half a decade so just knock it off!


– I’m no longer certain the place you’re getting your information, however good topic. I must spend some time learning more or figuring out more. Thank you for great info I was on the lookout for this information for my mission –

Yes, by all means, please do spend more time learning more or figuring out more.  I would highly recommend it to you.

As far as where I get my information, that’s classified.

But um . . . before you go, tell me more about this mission.  I must admit I am intrigued . . .



 – Best auto insurance companies –


– Hello colleagues, it’s impressive post concerning tutoring and fully defined.  Keep it up all the time –

Why, hello colleague!  It’s always a pleasure to meet a fellow colleague.

I think there might have been a slight technical glitch here – I’m sure it wasn’t YOUR fault, haha – because I found your comment at the end of my post “My Funny Valentine – 4 Romantic Comedies for Valentine’s Day.”  

While I can see why you would find that post impressive, I’m not quite sure what you were referencing by the word “tutoring.”

Aww, you’re so sweet.  <3   I do indeed try to keep it up, all the time!


– Can you do my homework –


You know, with that kind of attitude, you are not going to get anywhere in life.  You do your own homework!


– You must just look in support of some specialised examples online. There is a enormous numbers of extraordinary useful info on the web macbeth essay on power nowadays really. I can also persuade you to judge not at home. It is a diminish thing indeed –

I think they are trying to say that if I judge Macbeth from home, I shall somehow be diminished.

Do you possibly mean I will be zapped by a long-range shrinking device if I read Macbeth at home and judge the aforementioned play?



I’m already 5′ 3″ – I don’t have any inches to spare!  Look, I won’t read Macbeth – will that save me?

You know what?  I’m reporting you!  You’re a menace!  Stop picking on midgets with your diminishing device!



– Ревность является отрицательным и разрушительным чувством для любовных отношений. Конечно, в малых дозах она даже полезна, но здесь речь идет о том, что человек психически нездоров. Читайте об этом подробнее на сайте –

Ah – there you are again!  I was wondering about you.



– You can merely look representing several specialised examples online. There is a oceans of different expedient info on the net collection 3 these days really. I can also persuade you to try one\’s hand at wide of the mark. It is a cold-hearted attitude indeed-

Okay, just stop – you are really crossing the line with this.  While I agree that there are oceans of info on the net that make things expedient – don’t you think telling ME that I’m wide of the mark is a little rich considering the source, you peanut?  OH – so I have a cold-hearted attitude, do I?  Well, you are an exceptionally rude little spammer.  I think YOU are the one with the problem and you can just go spam somebody else!



– anti start barking training collar example –



 – We must merely look for some specialised guides online. There is a oceans of unalike productive info on the network abstracts as well as professional summaries today really. I can also recommend you to undertaking wide of the mark. It isa chilliness predilection indeed –




– full coverage car insurance insurance auto automobile insurance companies –




– a fantastic read.  Your way of explaining all in this article is in fact good, every one can simply
know it, Thanks a lot –

After scrambling to find the “article” in which I explain *all* I was slightly puzzled to find myself scrolling through my One Year Anniversary Post.

What is it, exactly that everyone can simply know?

Though honestly, I appreciate this person’s enthusiasm.  If they thought that post was good, they are easy to please!

– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –


 – Best auto insurance companies –



– I have checked your site and I have found some duplicate content –




I’m done.





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10 thoughts on “The Spamalot Edition

    1. Oh dear! Perhaps I can revive you with some spam? 😛

      LOL!! I’m glad you enjoyed it, Faith! :D.

      Hahahahaa! Staaaaph!! XD

  1. Oh, Alli!! I’ve wanted to do a post like this for a long time because I get SO many spam comments it’s really not even funny anymore!

    But what IS funny is that all of the comments in this post are the exact kind of comments I’ve been receiving lately…. in large volumes. Like, guys. I think we’ve established that I’m not interested in auto insurance (I can’t drive), I’m not going to buy my research paper from a random spammer online (I don’t cheat), and I CAN’T READ RUSSIAN. (Or whatever it is.)

    This was absolutely hilarious. Your gifs are PERFECT! XD XD And reminds me yet again that I must get a spam comment filter…


    1. I KNOW!! I got at least a dozen spam comments just an hour after I posted this!!

      Haha, right!! They are not applicable or appropriate AT ALL. But I guess these are just robots r programs or whatever, so obviously it’s randomized…

      Haha! Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun with the gifs. That one about “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries” especially cracked me up. XD.

      Ugh, yes! Me too, apparently!

    1. “grins” I’m glad you enjoyed it, Grace!

      Wow, cool! *impressed look*. It’s a really interesting language.

      Is THAT what they were saying?? Hmm…. I wonder what the motive was; they wanted me to keep house for them? They certainly couldn’t stay away, judging from the frequency of their comments. “bursts into guffaws”

      Hehe, thank you. I had a lot of fun picking the gifs for this post, as always! 😛

  2. OH. MY. WORD. I am dying!!! XDDD This was one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read in my life. And your gif-usage was SPOT. ON. The last gif is where I lost it completely and had to restrain myself lest I scare my family with sudden bursts of uncontrollable laughter.

    It’s funny, I don’t get a lot of spam. I’ve gotten some, but it’s pretty rare. I have nooo idea why??? But you poor thing. They seem to really love you. Your snark toward them is golden. xD

    But come on, Alli, you really need to take care of that duplicate content and get yourself some auto insurance. 😛

    1. HAHAHA! I’m SO glad you enjoyed this post, Christine. 😀 Hehe – thank you. *bows* That last gif is when my Mom lost it as well. XD

      I frequently indulge in uncontrollable bursts of laughter so I guess my family long passed being worried about me. 😛

      WOW, LUCKY YOU! Yeah, for some reason – there are days when I get, I don’t know, fifty spam comments? They truly feel like the hordes in that first gif!

      LOL – thank you. I’ve always said I related to Burndee more than I ought. *coughity cough* 😛

      BAHAHA – NEVER!! At least, not from them!! One day I may need that dratted auto insurance, but not today! They can’t make me! *grabs shield and prepares to ward off the duplicate content and car insurance* XD

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